Not all in the Mind

Not all in the Mind - my lived experience of recovery from depression

I have a personal and family history of depression and, for several (+/- 6 years) I was living daily with depression, which mainly manifested as fear - although accompanied by persistent low mood. The impact of living with a fluctuating level of fear - anything from an underlying but gripping anxiety to peaks of panic which led me into regular flight or fight episodes - completely undermined my confidence in daily living and in achieving even small steps in my personal and professional life.

When I talk about this period of my life, whilst I had an understanding on a conscious, rational level of some of the major and not-so-major life events which had contributed to my state of being, the depression I was experiencing impacted throughout my entire being and was clearly not just "all in my head". This may well resonate with people living with depression right now. 

I sought advice from a number of counsellors and went through a variety of talk therapies, including group therapy. For me, however, this approach just did not work and I often left sessions actually feeling a lot worse and could not see any real progress. I could never really understand why this wasn't working until I realised that it was because I was still trying to work it all out in my head. Here I have to be very clear and very careful - I have close friends and colleagues who work within the talk therapy world and practice as counsellors and therapists, but for me and for people I now work with, trying to work it out using the rational mind just doesn't work.  And here is the reason why: using the mind does not reach or address what has been happening on an emotional level and how it is the underlying and often suppressed emotional layer that is causing the mental pain and confusion. Talk therapies for me also were very effective in keeping me stuck in the stories of what had happened to me, rather than helping me heal the underlying emotional patterns and suppression which would ultimately allow me to move forward freely.

We are not taught the importance of emotional health and how to experience our emotions healthily. What we actually learn are effective ways to suppress those emotions - and make them wrong. This completely misses the point of why we have emotions in the first place - which is that our emotions are our closest ally in communicating what is really going on for us. We do need to feel fear, for example, in order to know if we are in danger - but we don't need to feel it all the time; we also need to feel anger, to give us that much-needed energy, passion and drive to take action - for example to right a wrong - we need to be able to access it when needed, but not be constantly in its control. By being present and experiencing emotions in a healthy way, we prevent building up layers of suppression which result in emotional overload - and therefore impact on our mental health too.

For me, a fortunate turn of events and one which marked a real breakthrough in with my depression was when I was introduced to this concept of how emotions and emotional energy play a major part in what we understand as "mental" health. One of the most important things I learnt was that I was never going to break this cycle of depression using my rational mind - because there are such limitations on how the mind operates and one of the most unhelpful things we do with our minds is to rationalise - in other words make up a story about why we should or should be feeling something - this might be called telling oneself rational-lies. So - what really made the difference for me was having the support of a very skilled Breath4Lifetm practitioner, to support me using breathwork, to begin to safely release those layers of emotional suppression - not like taking the lid of a pressure cooker which might be very messy - but by releasing just the amount I was ready and able to experience. Breath4Lifetm breathwork is the safest and most effective tool I have found to do. Once I discovered that by using the breathwork I would feel lighter, clearer and happier with my life - even though nothing might have changed materially in my situation - I was able to commit to working with a practitioner. As they say: the proof of the pudding is in the eating - the pudding being one's daily life. I have been using Breath4Lifetm for nearly 20 years - it is a brilliant energetic tool. I qualified as a Breath4Lifetm Practitioner in 2007 and since then have seen clients individually, as couple, and in small groups, as well as running courses, including the 10 month Breath4Lifetm Foundation course - which gives participants an amazing opportunity to worth through a lot of personal issues, to heal and to grow. I am privileged to witness the tangible changes people experience, using Breath4Lifetm, giving testament to its truly life-changing power. 

To find out more, please email me: jill@acorntooak.org.uk or visit www.acorntooak.org.uk for more about Breath4Lifetm